When I Stop Asking God For “Clarity”

Trust in Hebrew: confidence, security, and hope.

Can also be defined as to abide and rest inside the goodness of God. Being protected, embraced, and surrounded by His companion and favor.

Often time I would wonder, and wonder some more, and then pray after being tired of wondering, asking God for clarity of something that is happening in my life.

Clarity.

Yes.

Isn’t it why we all keep asking the “WHY?” questions?

Why is this happening to me?

Why am I going through this?

Why is He still not answering my prayer after so long?

Why this and why that.

Simply put, I want to understand what is going on, I want to have a clearer direction and certainty, so I can take a better control of the situation.

Unfortunately, a relationship with God is not about having clarity over our situation. It’s not about knowing exactly why some things happen, and some don’t. It’s not about understanding the why, the what, the how, the where, and the when of life.

It’s about trusting Him, even when everything doesn’t make sense.

Not easy, I know.

In fact, it’s hard. Big time.

I was once more like Thomas, one of Jesus’ core disciples. I had a hard time trusting Him in my everyday life. I couldn’t trust Him enough that He was more than able to provide, couldn’t trust Him enough that His timing was perfect, couldn’t trust Him enough that He had a bigger and better plan for me than my own selfish desire, couldn’t trust Him enough that He loved me more than anything to the point He died for me on the cross, and He made me perfect according to His image.

I was afraid to let Him take the steering wheel and just drive me to wherever destination He had in mind.

And that fear of trusting Jesus; made me not being able to know my Savior intimately.

That was why for many years of being a Christian; I kept on struggling with the same issues over and over again. Self-image, self-worth, bitterness, rejection, pride, jealousy, and many more issues.

Because I simply didn’t know my God intimately.

You see; it’s different between just knowing someone, and then knowing them intimately.

We don’t need to trust a person to know them, but if we want to know someone intimately, trust is required in the relationship.

The same principle applies to our relationship with Jesus.

If we want to have an intimate relationship with Him, we need to start trusting Him.

I know it’s hard, because trust requires openness and vulnerability. As a human, I don’t think anyone like to be vulnerable, since being vulnerable makes us more prone to hurt.

A while ago, when Jesus started having a boot camp in my life, I went through a lot of things that I didn’t understand. There were a lot of unanswered prayers, a lot of closed and opened doors, special people who came and go, a lot of heartbreaks, pain and tears.

And when I started asking questions and doubt began creeping in my heart, I didn’t get the clarity I desperately wanted, or in fact needed to hear. I only got a constant reminder of a still small voice that whispered gently in my heart, “Trust Me”.

Trust?

What does that even mean? How can I trust on something that I’m not even sure what to trust? What can I trust when everything is blurry and I have no solid ground to set my feet upon?

But so I did.

With confusion, I began to take a small step towards that “trust” He kept telling me to do. I was tired to do things my own way and resulting in dead ends, so I thought, why not this time I actually gave God a try.

When I began to walk seriously with Him, I learned that trusting Jesus is actually a series of decision-making process. It’s not like a magic show where our doubts, fears, insecurities, uncertainties suddenly disappear when we give him the wheel and let Him be the captain of our lives. It’s a daily commitment that requires our decision. Yes, it’s up to us whether or not we want to be in sync with Him today. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, but today. The present.

Proverbs 3:5

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” – NLT

“Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own.” – The Message

The more I learn to trust Him, the more He reveals His characters to me, the more I know Him, and the deeper and more intimate our relationship is.

Now that I look back, I’m very grateful that He didn’t give the clarity I so desired, in exchange for a beautiful process that draws me closer to Him.

Trusting Him is the best decision I’ve ever made in my daily life. Not that I never doubt or fear anymore, I still do; but at least now I have more joy and peace just by knowing who’s in charge.

When I trust Him, I begin to realize that clarity will eventually come, but not without first walking the path of trust.

When I trust Him, I learn that He doesn’t require my perfect trust or faith. He simply wants me to be faithful.

When I trust Him, I start to understand that more than He wants me to go on a journey with Him; He wants to go on a journey WITH me!

Ultimately, when I trust Him, I begin to sink deeper in His perfect love.

“Every deep, intimate relationship is rooted in trust. Of course love is at the core of the relationship but without trust you can’t have love. I realized God is about relationship. He is about love ultimately.”

-       Mandy Dobbelmann

Notes:

A few tips that’s proven work in taking small steps of trusting God:

1. Allow the right thoughts to settle in our mind by meditating on His words (Phil 4:8)
2. Be grateful for everything He has done, is doing, and is going to do (Ephesians 5:20, Psalm 107:1)
3. Focus on your journey TODAY (Mat 6:34)
4. Communicate with Him (Phil 4:6)
5. Don’t wait, do it NOW!
6. Last but not least, Let Him be God and do His job :)

The Green Thing

Hey guys!

Finally we hit our third month of the year! Isn't it crazy how time flies?
Before we know it, it's gonna be summer time, and then end of year. Scarrryyyy!!!
That's why, use our time wisely! :)

Anyway, a lot of things happened during my last post and this one.
One of the big issues is about what's currently going on in the visual effects (vfx) industry.

As we all know, our movies nowadays are heavily done using vfx. The Avengers, Life of Pi, The Hobbit, to name a few. And it seems that the demand for vfx houses and artists are greater than before.

So, with the Hollywood Blockbuster movies are doing well, what makes the vfx industry suffer, to the point of a couple of well-known vfx houses went bankrupt, and vfx artists around the world are doing a protest?

Well, after reading a lot of resources, I came to a conclusion that it's because of the unrealistic demands from the employers (not the vfx houses, but the movie production houses that hire them). To put it simply, the artists were expected to work long hours without having any compensation. Some of them even haven't gotten paid for a few weeks and then got let go. (Maybe the employers were expecting the artists to survive by eating grass and stone, or go back to hunting like in pre-historic era.)

And it's very ironic, just when Life of Pi received the Oscar for best visual effects, Rhythm & Hues (R&H); the vfx house that was responsible for all the work, filed for bankruptcy 2 weeks prior.
And what set the alarm was, as the film's supervisor from R&H delivered his speech and was about to talk about R&H's financial condition, his mic got cut off and the background music started playing!
Dude, it happened right on the Oscar's acceptance speech!
It's like the Hollywood asked them to shut up.
So yea, that was the moment that started all these protests and support groups.

And to support the industry and the artists who suffer from unfairness, a lot of people have changed their profile pictures in facebook to be a green square (a green screen where vfx artists work on).
There's even a facebook page about "VFX Solidarity International" which gathers more than 60,000 people to join hands, whether or not they're an artist.

I, myself am not a vfx artist particularly, but being an artist, of course I feel what they're going though! That cheap practices are also happening in Illustration industry too. There are a lot of people who offer to pay us with experience instead of money.
And sadly, a lot of newbies are taking it. I also used to think like that.
But now? Offering an experience only? Get out!
I think I can find something that pays fair AND gives me an experience. Thank you very much.

Really, I honestly think business people really have to see us as "human beings" not just some commodities that can do art.
You guys need our talent, so why can't you appreciate us more? :)

I was having a silly idea. What if one day, all artists united to finally step down from the industry. What would that be?
What would a movie looks like without all those cool effects?
What about a game? Or a TV show?

Maybe we all need to stop and think for a bit.
That's if we care. Well, I do big time. What about you? :)

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Wow, this turned out to be a rant section by itself lol. I was gonna make it short and then combine it with other topics, but I guess now it deserves its own entry :p



Until then!

Mutia~

A Contradiction of Tune

Bahasa mode on.

Sebelom ntar menimbulkan salah paham dan teman2nya, saya kasih disclaimer dulu deh yah.
Entry kali ini murni ditulis based on my own personal opinion, setelah mengamati keadaan for quite sometimes. Nothing against someone or particular group of people, and definitely no bashing at all.

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So, entry kali ini saya tulis berdasarkan obrolan tengah malem dengan salah satu temen cewek tercinta. Nggak jelas juga awalnya ngebahasa apaan, yang pasti ada fangirlingan mas Rio Dewanto (yang fangirl dia, bukan gue. I gotta admit though, he's a fineee man!), sampe akhirnya gue curhat panjang lebar tentang kebingungan gue terhadap komunitas Indonesia in general, terutama kalo udah berpendapat masalah musik.

Topik ini muncul setelah gue ngikutin 2 idol group baru jebolan Galaxy Superstar: S4 dan S.O.S. Honestly speaking, I'm very proud of them! Baru kali ini ada idol group (for me they are more than just girlband/boyband, so I'm gonna call them "idol group") yang secara kualitas ga kalah sama rookie2 di korea sono. I've watched them perform live (well, di youtube sih, secara ga mungkin gue balik Indo just to watch them lol), and gue bisa bilang dari semua boiben yang ada di Indo sekarang ini, S4 tuh yang paling mantep deh! Mereka bisa nyanyi sambil ngedance heboh, dan suaranya nggak goyang alias stabil! Well, kadang ada sih dikittttt banget goyangnya. Tapi itu JARANG banget!

Anyway, yang bikin gue mayan speechless yah, masih banyak aja loh yang ngata2in. Boiben/gelben abal2 muncul, dikata2in. Bilang plagiatlah, malu2in nama bangsalah, trus koar2 minta yang berkualitas.
Nah sekarang uda ada yang berkualitas, koar2 juga. Katanya korea banget, kok ga ada Indonya.
Kontradiktif kan?

Nah, terus yang "Indo" itu gimana? Apa harus tampil pake baju daerah trus nyanyi lagu daerah?
Trus ada juga yang bilang, "pake batik donk, tarian korea banget! Tari tradisionalnya mana?"

Dude...
*tepok jidat*

Don't get me wrong, gue support banget yang namanya memperkenalkan Indonesia ke dunia. And I'm proud to be Indonesian (well, a SMART one lol).
Tapi yah, setelah living in the States for nearly a decade, gue jadi sadar sesadar2nya, kalo most people don't really care about such things (tari tradisional, musik yang Indo banget, dan teman2nya), unless culture kita uda gede and jadi mainstream kayak Japanese, Chinese or Korean.

It's a sad truth, isn't it?

Okeh, balik lagi ke masalah boiben.
Cmiiw yah, secara ini gue tulis berdasarkan pengamatan.
Sekarang kalo kita liat Kpop, kenapa Kpop skr bisa mendunia banget, dan Korea jadi dikenal banget? Sampe pd byk yg tertarik sm kebudayaannya.
Seinget gue, Kpop awalnya juga ngikutin boyband/girlband dr Amrik.
Emanknya wkt awal2 mereka tampil pake hanbok plus nari tarian tradisional?
I dont think so.
If my memory serves me right, they all danced in modern manner (hip-hop, jazz, etc); musiknya juga genre elektro, R&B, dan kawan2nya; clothing juga ngikutin popstar sini.
Tapi liat donk sekarang, dengan jalur awal yang nggak Korea banget, mereka justru bisa memperkenalkan Kpop ke semua orang, sampe2 skr Kpop uda jadi 1 genre lagu sendiri.
Mereka pake jalur mainstream itu buat nyiptain flavornya sendiri.
Thus the result: Koreanisasi hampir ke seluruh dunia.

Why can't we support hal2 yang positif?
Contoh lainnya: Agnes Monica.
Gue salut abis loh sama si Agnes. Look how far she's come! Harusnya kita bangga punya Agnes yang uda mulai masuk ke dunia musik di Amrik.
I think she's smart. Dia uda tau, untuk go international yg ga setengah2, harus bisa nembus pasaran amrik.

Sama halnya dgn S4.
Mereka pernah bilank mereka mau nembus dunia musik Asia.
Nah sekarang rajanya dunia musik Asia sapa? From what I see, the king is Kpop. And untuk bersaing dengan smart, they have to know the battle ground. Kalo salah battle ground, salah senjata dan salah strategi, bisa babai semua lol.

Anyway, gue nulis ini gara2 uda gemes banget.
Masing2 orang emank berhak untuk berpendapat, tapi kalo tiap kali komplen molo, itu namanya ga dewasa.

Contoh nih, kalo gue ga suka sama a certain song or singer or band, ya I wont listen to/watch them. Gampang toh?
Drpd komplen2, bikin capek ati. Mending juga didenger, lha wong ini ga digubris. Jadinya malah ngetroll donk? :p

Kecuali kalo ada yang nanya "eh menurut elo band XX gimana?"
If I don't like them then I'd say my honest opinion from my perspective, and trying my best not to bash the band. Apa yang ga oke menurut saya kan belom tentu ga oke juga buat orang lain.

Kalo ga ada yang nanya, ya diem ajalah. Biar damai semua, kan enak.
Buat penggemar musik lainnya, biarlah kita saling mensupport, mau dikata itu band/lagu sesuai sm kesukaan kita or ga, tapi kalo emank sesuatu yg positif dan membawa perubahan yg baik buat dunia musik di indo dan bisa nembus pasar asia maupun dunia, why not?
Toh ntar yang bangga kita juga :)

Dah ah, sampe keriting ngetiknya lol.

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Side note:
I'm in love with 1920's English storybook style architecture!
Bingung itu kayak gimana? Silakan nonton Pinocchio or Tangled. Begitu noh model architecturenya :D

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Okeh, back to work!!



Until then,

Mutia~